Take a look through my eyes.

I'm back....

His rounded face. His bushy chin. His thin lips curled into a smile. The way his head was tilting to the side. His brown eyes. They were smiling too.

"What are you looking at?" he asked, his deep voice ringing throughout my head, disrupting my thoughts.

I reached out and ran my fingers through his short brown hair. "You", I answered leaning forward to be closer to his face. "You're so adorable."

He leaned forward from the wall to the side of my bed which he was sitting on, meeting my face and planting his lips on mine. He brought his lips just a millimeter away from mine and muttered, "I was staring at you, too. You're so beautiful, babe."

I was always at a loss for words when he said things like that to me. He, used to it, pulled me close for another kiss. "I love you", he breathed on my lips before he did.

I could respond to that. " I love you too", I whispered into his mouth. That response was instant. Almost robotic. Chad could sense it. He pulled away from me and held onto my shoulders, studying my quizzically.

"You mean that?"

I swallowed. Of course I meant it. I wouldn't have said it if I didn’t. It was him I was worried about. "Do you?"

Love was an over used word and when said by a teenage boy like Chad, it was usually just as a magic word to get into a girl's pants.

I loved more than just Chad's dick though. I loved every damn bit of him. From head to toe. But his love I wasn’t so sure about. If he could see into my heart, the love I had for him would actually melt a whole right through his body like it was doing to mine, but I couldn't see into his heart. No matter what he told me, I didn’t know his real intentions. Even through all his loving words, I still couldn’t trust him.

He tilted his head to the other side in confusion. "Of course I do. You know that."

"No I don’t", I answered bluntly. I really didn’t know why those words were coming out like that. "You may tell that you do, but I don’t know that for sure."

Chad studied me for awhile in silence. I studied him back, watching all the features of his face that I loved etched with thought. I was inspecting him so hard, that I didn’t even notice his grip on my arms gradually increasing, until all of a sudden it happened. He kissed me. But this was no ordinary kiss. He had kissed me many times before, yet this one was somehow different. It felt different. Like as our mouths connected, our souls were connecting also. And finally I saw how he felt. He didn't just want to fuck me, he actually loved me.

He pulled away. "I love you." He meant it. There was no more questioning.

Part 2 of my drabble war with Valerie.
Taste vengance bitch.

---

I was just mentally forming a happy face with the various shapes on my whitewashed ceiling when the cell phone resting on my stomach started vibrating. Without turning my attention away from the ceiling, I picked the phone up and opened the message. I didn’t have to check. I already knew who the message was from.

Instantly the light radiating from the screen illuminated my entire room as I read: My folks are asleep. I'll be there in a few minutes.

I closed my phone, destroying the light, and stared back at the ceiling. The phone, which I had just placed on my chest, was slightly shaking with the beat of my racing pulse.

I reached to my side for the remote and sat up slightly. I pressed the ON/OFF button at the top of my remote to flick on the even brighter television, hoping that the mindless reality show that was playing across the screen would somehow lessen the severity of the thoughts that were flooding my head. It didn't really help. My brain was so intoxicated with contemplation that I could barely even keep my slightly tired eyes on the screen.

Why did I have to fall for this boy? The extremely melodramatic, very difficult to understand, brother of my best friend.

And why did it have to be a secret? If he loved me as much as he claimed, he would have no problem telling other people. After all I wanted to scream my love for him to the rooftops. But I couldn’t.

I lied back down on my soft bed sheets and rolled on my side to face the space that my secret lover would soon occupy. I hated secrets. They burned at my insides. A flood of words that should be let loose to flow over those who needed to know, and my mouth was the damn keeping them back. It was too much pressure. The damn needed to break. The damn will to break. Just how will they react to the chilly water is the question.

I was frightened out of my thoughts by a knock at my window. There was pretty much no time in between the first knock and me pulling open the window.

His nimble body skillfully cross the small, rectangular opening to the barrier separating the two of us and into my waiting arms. He wrapped his thin, hoodie clothed arms around my body and placed his chapped lips on mine. Even though the air outside was freezing, his mouth was still so warm. Then he pulled away from my face slightly to stare at my face and smile. His bright blue eyes seemed to light up my room more than my TV or phone ever could. "I love you", he murmured softly. Almost like a whisper. We didn’t need to whisper.

"I love you too", I whispered back. I was so used to our secret, that I had to remind myself to say his name. "Hunter."

"How did I ever manage to find you?" he whispered at my forehead after placing his lips there only a second before.

I nuzzled my head into the fabric of his thin  shirt and closed my eyes. "How did I ever manage to keep you?" I mumbled.

One of his hands which were both resting on my back slid up to my head to run its thin fingers through my long black hair while another snuck down and rested on the small of my back. Just a stroke from his warm fingers on the small strip of exposed skin at the bottom of my shirt was enough to warm my entire body. His hands on my body fit like the missing pieces of a puzzle. It was a whole different feeling when compared to him touching me. His rough hands invading my body, yanking my hair, squeezing and slapping wherever he pleased, like I was somehow less human than him. I see now that he was actually less human than me...

He brought his mouth down lower to kiss my lips and planted another soft kiss on them, his long, curly, blonde locks tickling my face. He smiled into my lips. How could he smile at a time like this? He was about to do something that was going to benefit me and I wasn’t even happy about it. "I'll always love you", he mumbled against my lips. "No matter what."

"I love you too", I replied. I pulled away from his lips. "You don't have to do this, babe. I can't let you. There has to be another way."

The hand that was on the small of my back slid away from my body and back to his. A few seconds later I could feel the cool steel being drawn from his pocket. It sent a chill down my spine just as fast as the warmth of my lover's touch was sent shooting up it. "I have to do this, baby. I can't let him hurt you again... Ever."

"But this is too far, Chad!" I exclaimed, jumping out of his arms as if freeze from the gun had burned me. "This will destroy your life. I can't ask you to do that! Not for me."

He took a step closer to me and took a soft grip on my shoulders. He stared into my brown eyes with his bright blue ones. "But its not only hurting you, its torturing me to. Knowing that he hurt you like that, it tears me apart. I'm not just ending this for you, I'm doing it for the both of us."

Even though I was paying a little more attention to the fact that he was waving the loaded gun in his hand frantically in the air, his words still sunk in.

I looked him back in his eyes and nodded. That was the only confirmation he needed. He kissed my lips again. "Don't worry. He's never going to hurt us again."

What did I do to deserve your silence?
Was it because I wasn't girly enough?
I was never one to flaunt.
Did I ask for too much?
Most of my sentences did begin in I want...
Maybe its because I'm so far away.
So many miles to be driving
when you're drowning
in all
the alcohol.
It ruined my life
once it became your new wife.
It burns the open wound you left on me
when you seperated yourself from me.
Permenantly?
Does it numb your pain?
Do you feel the pain at all?
No. If you did you would call.
Make some effort to see me at all.
When I'm around you, I sew my mouth closed
to hold back the truth from you and the danger it could pose.
But one day my words will break through my teeth
and you will see
the monster you've made of me.
Until then, I try to keep myself tame
until you realize that Daddy is more than just a name
that you have lost the right to claim.

How could we let ourselves become this?
Using eachother for just a few moments of bliss.
You used to mean the world to me.
Well you still do actually.
I know that I need to stop it,
but how can I when you keep my heart in your back pocket?
So keep tugging at every heart string.
Keep building me up just to bring
me back me back down.
Keep me on the ground.
From me you won't hear a peep
of complaints as long as you keep
letting me hear you voice everynight before I sleep.

I know its been months since I updated this story. School's a bitch. I know its short but I hope you enjoy!

---

Ashley's POVI sat on the couch next to Joe eating cereal and watching people setting up the party carry tables and decorations through the living room and to the back yard. Patrick had to go to work so he left Pete in charge of making sure the workers were arranging everything for tonight's party just right. I felt sorry for those workers. You could hear Pete screaming instructions from the backyard.
"No. That’s not right!" The obsessive compulsive's voice shouted. "That chair goes over there!"
"I am so glad he doesn’t live with us anymore", Andy murmured from the lazy next to the couch as he brought another spoonful of oatmeal to his lips.
"I'm not", Valerie said as she sat next to me on the couch with her bowl of Captain Crunch. "Now that’s all I hear all day and night." Valerie looked behind the couch and up at the stairs. "Where's Billy?"
"He's still in Patrick's room", I replied through a mouth full of Cocoa Puffs keeping my eyes on the episode of Maury that was unfolding on the flat screen in front of us. "For some reason he refused to come down for breakfast."
"Why? What'd you say to him?"
"Nothing. I just said that his cereal was ready and that you and Pete were here and he just asked me to bring the cereal up to the room and that he was staying in there."
"Hmm...", Valerie mumbled before dropping her spoon back into her bowl. "Do you think he hates me?" she asked in a more hushed voice.
"Why do you care?" I asked in a louder voice. "Do you like him?"
"No", she replied quickly. "I'm just worried that he doesn’t feel as welcome with me around and that I am stunting his healing process. That's all."
"Yeah I don’t think Pete will see it the same way", I commented as I reached into my pocket for my vibrating phone. I balanced my half empty bowl of cereal in one hand and my phone in the other to read the screen.
"Brendon" white words spelt across a red background on the screen.
"Why is Brendon calling me?" I thought to myself as I slid the phone open and placed its hard, cold plastic against my ear. "Hello?"
"Ashley?" Brendon's voice asked. "How are you? Is Patrick there with you?"
"No, he's at work", I answered slightly bewildered. "Why? Is something wrong?"
"No. That’s good. Listen. Do you think you can come over here? I need to discuss something with you."
"Um... Okay. Uh... Should I wait for Patrick to get home from work and bring him too?"
"No!" Brendon nearly screamed. "Listen, whatever you do, do not tell Patrick you talked to me. I have something extremely important to talk to you about. Its crucial that you come as soon as possible. It concerns your safety and the safety of countless others."
Immediately I knew what Brendon was talking about. But how would he know about Patrick? He couldn’t. if he did, he would have sent him back.
"Okay", I said with a hint of false bewilderment trying to sound like I didn’t know what he was talking about. I'll be there in about an hour."
I hung up my phone and just stared off into the distance in thought. I squeezed my phone in my hand, wondering if I really should call Patrick. But I quickly realized how bad of an idea that was. He said that he was never going to hurt anyone again after today, but with faced with the possibility of going back to the asylum, I don’t know what he would have done.
I placed my still half empty bowl on the stand next to the couch and got up. "Ill be right back", I muttered as I slid my feet into Patrick's mandals and started towards the door.
Valerie made some joke about me and Brendon as I exited the house but I was to scared to hear her. There was only one thing on my mind.

Sorry I skipped part 5. Here it is. :].

---

"Well that was fun", Valerie said as we walked downstairs after we'd left Hunter's apartment with Adam whom we were taking home. "I didn't know they made a vinyl for I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred and that you knew all the words."
"Shut up" I countered as we reached the parking lot. "After you've lived with that your entire life, there's certain songs and such you just know". Just then the sound of Valerie's Just Like Heaven by The Cure rang through the night air. This ring tone only went off when Jade was calling.
"What's up, Hun?" she answered after putting the cell to her ear. "Oh my god, really? That's funny. Ok we'll meet you there." She hung up.
"What happened?" I asked as I withdrew my keep and punched small red button on the tiny remote that unlocked my automobile.
"Davey got into a fight at the movies", Valerie answered getting in. "We're supposed to meet him and Jade at the mall."
"Wow" I said as I stepped into the driver's seat. "Leave it to Ms. Man to get into a fight probably with another Ms. Man in the middle of a movie. Adam got in and sat quietly in the back seat and it was only just then that I remembered he was there.
"Oh yeah. I figure you wouldn't like to accompany us to the mall, huh Adam?" Adam just shook his head.
"Ok I'll take you home. Where do you live?"
"The apartments on Dewberry Lane", he said quietly.
"I know where that is", I said putting on my seat belt. "Just hold on because I tend to get pretty reckless after I've had a few Vitamin Waters." I started the car and drove down the busy crowded free way with the lights of the city flashing on my windshield. I hated Adam's apartments because it was probably the most intimidating thing in the city. All 13 stories of it were made up of old worn brick and dark windows so where you could never tell who was looking out at you. If I didn't know for a fact that their layers were the fancy expensive uptown apartments that I unfortunately occupied along with them, I would be convinced the Condors inhabited that place.
It seemed to be the only thing that didn't intimidate Adam, who just opened the car door and got out. The entrance looked like a huge mouth engulfing him. Its many huge eyes staring at me, daring me to come in after him. Luckily I didn't, however, and just sped off.
"So how karaoke night at Hunter's?" Davey asked taking a bite off the ass off a gummy shark as we sat in the food court at the mall.
"Oh it was okay", Valerie said sucking on her dildo pop. "Sang Your Beautiful by James Blunt on karaoke, Played truth or dare, Ashley kissed one of Hunter's friends..."
"You kissed who?!" Davey exclaimed nearly choking on his Full Throttle.
"Your brother has friends?" Jade asked confused eating a gummy worm.
"Shut up", I said playing with some gumballs. "It was a dare."
"That you gave in to a little too willingly", Valerie muttered taking a sip of her vitamin water.
"Oooo", Davey teased. "Ashley's gonna get some."
"Hey I got some condoms in the car just in case you want to stop by his place later", Jade laughed.
"Shut up", I repeated throwing one of the huge gumballs at him. "He's just a friend okay."
"I bet, I bet" Valerie laughed.

"Happy birthday!!!" Hunter yelled jumping up and down at the table.
"Chill Hunter", I laughed grabbing my brother's arm to calm him down.
"I'm sorry", Hunter said sitting back in his chair. "Its just that Adam just turned 33! I mean like in 7 years he'll be the 40 year old virgin." I laughed as Adam shot Hunter a look.
"I bet Ashley will change that", Valerie muttered eating he heavily frosted raspberry cake that Hunter had baked.
"Give Valerie 5 bucks and a bag of Cheetos and she'll change it", I countered.
"Calm down girls", Dad said. "I dont want you two fighting like hoes on the street on Adam's birthday."
"Oh he'd like that", Hunter said sipping some of the coffee he definitely didnt need. Our mom who was sitting next to Hunter, nudged him in the arm. Adam just laughed at the thought as he sat at the table with a piece of cake I have no idea how he was going to eat in front of him. He seemed to be getting happier from when I first met him. I dont know what it was. Dad kept saying it was me, but I didnt believe him.
I started laughing, too. Not from the image of me totally beating Valerie's ass, but because of Adam's birthday present from me: a Ghost Face Killer from Scream mask. I always thought that mask looked like that one funny painting of the shocked person on the dock that everyone thought was so amazing.
"Ok guys I gotta go", Valerie said. "I got to go help Jade with some case reports."
"Yeah, case reports", I said making my infamous hand to crouch motion that indicated that she was most likely going to end up giving Jade head.
"Shut up", she said throwing her spoon at me.
"Well I also have actual case reports to do alone", I said standing up. "So I better get going too."
"See you later", Hunter exclaimed tackling Valerie and I into an over dramatic hug.
"Unfortunately", I said struggling out of his grip. "Bye Mom and Dad. Bye Adam. Happy birthday."
Put on your face and let's pretend,

---

"12:00", the clock flashed at me through the darkness of my room. I sighed and rolled over onto my back. I usually got to sleep way earlier than that to prepare myself for the horrid morning I was sure I was going to have, but that night I couldnt. Usually when I couldnt get to sleep, it just meant I was lonely. I just need someone to sleep with. But who? I defiantly wasnt going to my parent's or Hunter's because I didnt want to seem like a little kid and I Hunter was the kind of guy that probably slept hanging from the ceiling in a straight jacket or something. And Valerie and Jade were too busy with their case reports and I wasnt about to get in the middle of that. Same with Davey. That left only one person. I'm sure he probably didnt care for people sleeping in the same bed as him, but it was worth a shot. I got out of bed, slipped on my South Park house shoes, and grabbed my car keys.
I hardly wanted to even look at that apartment complex, but being in it, at night? I was practically running down the dingy hallway to Adam's apartment. Atleast it was better than the Condor Cave I live in. I finally reached Adam's worn door and without even meaning to, banged frantically on it. He probably thought someone was being killed out there.
After about 30 seconds, the door opened to reveal a man wearing a Ghost Faced Killer mask with Sponge Bob pajamas that Hunter had gotten him for his birthday. Even though I knew who it was, the sight still caused me to jump. Adam chuckled.
"Sorry, I scared you, again", he laughed. "Anyways what's up?"
Uhhh", I said embarrassed. This sounded way better in my mind. "Umm. I couldnt sleep and I was wondering if I could stay here." I half expected him to slam the door in my face, but instead he did the exact opposite.
"Sure", he replied stepping aside. "Come in." The inside of Adam's apartment was so dark, I would think I'd just got sucked into some black abyss if it wasnt for the man beside me.
"I can't see anything", I complained feeling around for the wall and clinging to it as if it was the only thing holding me from getting sucked into the unknown.
"I'll turn on the light", I heard Adam say through the darkness. A few seconds later an extremely dim black light came on. I could still barely see, but my sight was still well enough for my to see well... Nothing. There was nothing in the living, but a small television set on a box, but there was no couch or coffee table or anything else to make the apartment look more homely.
"Where is all your furniture?" I inquired thinking the surely must be some reason his apartment was so placid.
"Well since I'm hardly ever home, I never thought it fit to buy furniture", he answered sitting on his floor. "Anyways why dont you take my bed. I'll sleep here."
"On the floor? You have to be more rested than me in the morning. You sleep in the bed."
"Why dont we share it." At that moment, I was actually afraid for a second that that wasnt Adam and I had just walked into the apartment of some psycho guy that just happened to be wearing the same thing as Adam and was planning on raping the next person who came knocking on his door.
"I mean it is big enough", he said quickly. He was blushing. I could hear it.
"If it's okay with you."
Adam sat in disbelief for a few seconds before getting up. "Okay. My room's this way." I followed Adam as far as I could before we got to the threshold of the hallway and he flicked off the already insufficient light along with the only sight my eyes had to work with and I was blind again.
"This way", Adam said taking my hand and guiding me down the dark path. The hallway obviously wasnt that long because after a few seconds, I heard the creaky wail of the bedroom door opening. I could see a little better in his room due to the dim white light of the street lights and moon. His room was almost as empty as the rest of his room. The only thing that was in the room, in fact, was the bed in the middle of it. It big for only having one person sleeping in it. Defiantly big enough for two. My drowsiness caused me to practically float over to the bed and bury myself in the far as I could tell black comforter and almost immediately fall asleep. Adam climbed into bed beside me. I looked over and through the almost non existent light, saw he still had his mask on.
"Why dont you take that off so you dont suffocate", I suggested. He didnt answer, but just stared at the ceiling and I understood why.
"I won't look or anything."
"You promise?" he asked still staring at the ceiling.
"Promise." Adam lay there for a few seconds longer before sitting up, looking down at me to make sure I wasnt looking (which I dont know how he could see me or anything through the darkness of his entire apartment), and pulling the mask off while I lay there with my eyes clothes. He threw the mask on the floor beside the bed and lay back down.
Assuming it was okay and out of curiosity, I opened my eyes. Due to the small amount of light, I was only able to see his outline and his head of short, disheveled hair. Dark I guessed. But then again, in that room everything was dark. It fit Adam just fine because everything about him seemed to be dark, too. Being in his room felt like being in his mind. I wish I could shed some light in it.

"You go first", I said to Valerie.
"No you", she said back.
"Why did you two come to a karaoke party anyway if you weren't going to sing?" Adam asked from his spot on the couch that was practically on the other side of the living room.
"Are you going to sing?" I asked him. He just looked down at the ground and fiddled with his fingers.
"That's what I thought", I said. I raised my voice. "Besides us singing is nothing compared to the angelic voice of my older brother in there."
"...You really think so?" Hunter asked from the bathroom where he was still marinating.
"Yeah!" I called back trying to everything possible to stroke his ego. "I hear your voice. It's like an angel sighing"
"...I love that song!" he called automatically recognizing my Madonna reference.
"Well come sing it! My soul won't be complete until you sing your sweet music to it."
"I'll be right out!" Hunter called back in a more cheery tone over the swishing of the water in his bath tub.
"Well guys", I said turning my attention back to the people in the room with me. "Prepare to hear Madonna for the rest of the night." I loved my brother to death and thought he had an amazing voice, but when you got him started singing, he really didnt know when to stop.
"So what shall we do while we wait for him to get ready", I asked. "Because know him, he probably has a suit and everything he has to change into."
"Lets play truth or dare" Valerie suggested.
"Okay", I agreed. "Adam you go first."
He looked up. "Uh truth", he said like he was scared that if he said dare we'd have him stripping or something.
"Uh... ok", I said thinking about a question. "What do you look like under that hood?"
"Uhh like what?"
"Like, what color hair do you have? What color eyes?" I only asked that of him because I knew he wouldnt be comfortable if I asked him anything else.
"I have short dark hair", he described. "With blue eyes."
"Who cuts your hair?" Valerie asked.
"Hunter", he replied.
"You poor thing", I laughed remembering how Hunter cuts his own hair. He laughed too.
"Ok your turn, Ashley", Valerie said. "Truth or dare."
"Dare", I said immediately. I loved truth or dare and was excited about doing dares and always chose that. Unless I was lazy and didnt feel like doing the things my friends commanded of me.
"Ok um", Valerie thought. "I dare you to kiss Adam." Adam's laugher stopped and his blue eyes widened.
"Are you sure he's going to let me?" I asked looking at the shocked expression on the only part of his face that I could see: his eyes.
"Its just on the cheek", Valerie explained to Adam. "You don't even have to take your little hood off. Please Adam?"
Adam put his face in his hands and nodded. "Okay." I got up and went over to the couch where he was. He raised his head up from his hands and I leaned in and put my lips to the side of his covered face. The fabric was warm against my lips probably from the fact that he wore it all day. I pulled away and looked at Adam. I couldnt see his face but I knew he was blushing. He was shaking. He was acting like I was about to eat him. I had made him really nervous.
"What are you doing?" I heard a familiar voice ask. I looked up and saw Hunter standing at the threshold of the hallway wearing his famous neon orange and green pinstripe suit and smiling like a Cheshire cat.
"Nothing", I said quickly. "Its just truth or dare."
"Whatever", he said sitting on the couch next to Adam. "Stop shaking. You know you liked that Adam."
Adam looked up at me, but quickly turned away when he saw I was still looking.

After leaving the butcher shop, I headed to my job as a lawyer, at a high profile law firm called M, P, and Co. It would only take me a few minutes to get there unlike it did when I lived a two hour car drive away. I decided to move back here closer to family and my job.
The law firm was a large multi story building in the middle of town. I parked in the parking lot and sighed. Working at a job that sometimes required you to defend the guilty was hard work, but it was my work. That still doesnt mean that I had to like it. I reached in the back and grabbed my totally tricked out briefcase that was completely covered in band stickers and duct tape with song lyrics written on them, my cup of Starbucks, and got out of my SUV and started across the car crowded parking lot to the glass double door entrance of the building.
The inside of the building was filled with a crowd of people that all looked the same to me: young, ditzy secretaries at the receptionist desks chewing what always seemed to be the same piece of gum to me, tall, beautiful, intimidating women that seemed to all be wearing the same gray business suits, and the horny middle aged men that chased after them. After a bad experience while taking a trip to my job to bring my lunch, my brother referred to my coworkers as "evil in human form". He couldnt have been more correct. Everyone one of these stereotypes intimidated me to no end. Walking through lobby to the elevators in my made me feel like a shrew walking through a mountain range of California Condors. The only people there that didnt make me want to retreat under my desk were my friend, Valerie and my bosses. Valerie and I were both always getting all the good cases and clients and promotions, mainly because we were best friends with the bosses of the law firm. Or in Valerie's case, because she was banging the P in M, P, and Co, formally known as Jade Puget. Some people thought I was screwing the M, formally know as David Marchand or as I liked to call him Davey, but it was a little known, yet widely suspected fact that he was gayer than The Fab Five and the Puerto Rican hair dresser, Rodriguez that Davey and I shared, combined.
After an awkward ride in the elevator with four of The Condors that appeared to be inspecting me to see how much meat I had and was I worth fighting off the rest of the elevator full of equally hungry adversaries, I finally reached my floor and scurried out of small, movable room as fast as I could down the hall and to my office, and who should be sitting in one of my squeaky leather spinning chairs in front of my cluttered desk, messing with my complete set of collectable My Chemical Romance bobble heads, but Valerie.
"It's about time you showed up", Valerie said spinning around in the chair to face me. "I thought you got chopped at your dad's meat shop."
"No", I replied sitting in my huge, old fashion, black leather chair and turning around to face my huge window that took up my entire wall so I could have that evil effect. "I was talking Adam."
"Whose Adam?" Valerie asked gaining interest by the sound of her voice. "Is he hot?"
"Why do you always ask that whenever I tell you I was talking to a guy?" I asked spinning around in my chair to face her.
"Well after the move and everything, I feel that you could use a man in your life. It would do you some good."
"What about men?" Davey said bursting through the door with Jade trailing after him them both wearing all white money suits as they liked to call it.
"We're just talking about Ashley's new crush", Valerie said before greeting Jade with a kiss on the lips.
"I didnt know she had a new crush", Jade said leaning on the back of Valerie's chair since Davey had taken the free seat next to her.
"I don't", I replied defensively. "It's just a guy that works at my dad's butcher shop whom I was talking to."
"Well give of all the juicy details, Girl", Davey commanded sitting backwards in the chair with his knees in the seat and his head resting on the back facing me. "Was he cute?"
"No. I mean, I don't know. Remember when I told you about how part of my dad's butcher shop was burnt down?" They nodded and I continued. "Well Adam was caught in that fire and he was badly disfigured. Now he's really insecure and I was trying to cheer him up." Everyone was silent for a while.
"Wow poor thing", Davey said breaking the thick silence. "Well it's nice to see your doing something good with your life. Anyways are you going to see American Gangster with us tonight?"
"No, I have Karaoke Night at my brother's tonight" I replied messing with some paper clips that were scattered across my desk.
"Oh yeah. I'm still going right?" Valerie asked.
"Yeah", I answered. "Just be prepared for the weirdness that is my brother and his precious Prince songs. The only reason I even wanted to go is because he told me he had the Snakes On a Plane soundtrack with all the techno versions of Decaydance bands."
Work was excruciating as usual. The same old helping with rich, old people's wills, messing with papers, going to court, and accompanying a client who was under arrest for murdering his mistress to the police station. At 6:59 I was having a staring contest with the second hand on my The Used clock, daring it to go any slower than it already was. Then the moment that nearly made my day and the second hand pointed its long, skinny body towards the 12 making it 7:00 PM, time for me to get out of this hell hole. I quickly threw my papers in my briefcase when Valerie came back in.
"Can you believe I just convinced 12 people that a woman didnt kill her cheating husband?" she exclaimed taking her usual seat in front of my desk. "I didnt think people were so gullible."
"Most of them are", I said marking some court dates on my Fall Out Boy calendar. "It's are job as lawyers to exploit that gullibility." I put the top back on my Panic! At the Disco pen and turned around to face her. "You ready?"
Leaving that building knowing that I'd made it through another 11 hours without dying made my day probably even more than the feeling I had after I was finally somewhere other than work. And as Valerie and I walked across the parking lot to my truck, I felt like I was walking on clouds instead of the hard cement below my feet. I practically dove into my car once I reached it and sat in my seat with my eyes close, happy to be able to finally relax and let my guard down, while Valerie was slower in getting in .
"Hey where'd you get this?" I heard he ask after opening the passenger side door. I opened my eyes and looked over at her and saw in the passenger was the flowers Adam had gotten me.
"Oh those are some flowers that Adam got me", I answered picking up the vase and putting it in the backseat. Valerie just looked at me quizzically. "He scared me yesterday and wanted to apologize."
"Riiiight", Valerie said getting into the now empty passenger seat. I was quick in driving as far away from the law firm as possible or as far the path to my brother's apartment would permit me. Since I had moved back to town, Hunter wanted to celebrate by having a karaoke night. I didnt want to have karaoke night but it was either that or Dance, Dance Revolution. I didnt want do anything actually, but the last time I ditched Hunter in playing Uno, he showed up at my kitchen table at 3:00 in the morning with a deck of cards.
It took us about 5 minutes to get to the apartment complex. I parked my vehicle in between a purple mini van and a gray Cadillac and turned off the ignition. We got out and maneuvered our way through kids playing ball and riding bikes in the parking to the stairs that led up to my isle of doors that contained my brother's home. We finally reached number 337 where my brother lived and knocked at the door. There was no answer. I knocked again. Still no answer.
"The little freak", I muttered. "He's been bothering me for day's about coming here and he won't even answer the door." I reached into my pocket and pulled out a spare key that my dad gave me to his apartment and stuck it into the slim hole on the door knob. Right before I swung the door open, I could have sworn I heard someone running, but I shook it off when I heard some moaning coming from the bathroom. Valerie and I looked at each other with an expression of mixed shock and fear and ran into the apartment jumping over some random bags of chips and vegan muffins the get to the small hallway and one of the only two doors in it.
"Hunter are you in there?!" I yelled at the closed door.
"Leave me alone!" my sibling's voice crying back.
"What's wrong?" I yelled back at through the white slab of wood.
"No one loves me!"
"Not again", I sighed exasperatedly.
"Is he okay?" Valerie asked concerned.
"Yeah", I replied. "It's just that Hunter can be a bit sensitive at times." I turned my attention back to my borderline bi polar brother. "Hunter don't be like that. I love you."
"No you don't!" he sobbed back. "You and Adam were making fun of me."
"Oh my God", I muttered putting my head to the cold wooden door. Then all of a sudden, Valerie screamed and pushed me into the bathroom and ran in right behind and slammed the door. Then we both screamed at the sight of my brother naked in a tub full of water and diet Pepsi cans floating around him.
"Don't look at me!" he screamed concealing himself behind the shower curtain. "I'm hideous!"
"What was that for?" I yelled at Valerie.
"Oh my God, there's a killer in the bedroom", she exclaimed.
"Shit really?!" I whispered fearfully.
"Crap I hope he didnt get Adam", Hunter chimed in from behind the shower curtain. "Because if he did, then he should just come in here and kill me too."
"Adam's here?" I asked.
"Yeah", Hunter yelled in reply. "He came to keep me company because he's a good friend unlike some people."
I laughed. "Valerie, that was Adam", he probably ran to the bedroom when we came in."
"That was him?!" Valerie exclaimed. "Dude Adam's fucking scary. Why does he have that thing over his head?"
"He doesnt like to show his face remember? Don't worry. I thought he was a killer when I first saw him, too." I opened the door and went back into the hallway to the bedroom door while Valerie.
"Hey Adam open up", I yelled at yet another white slab of wood. "It's me, Ashley." There was silence for a while and I could tell he was hesitating. Then the door cracked open and Adam's covered head peaked out. "Hey why are you hiding?" He didnt say anything, but just looked over at Valerie.
"Hey, I'm Valerie", my friend said extending her hand to him. Adam gasped and closed the door.
"Crap" I thought. "Now I'm going to have to worry about getting two people out of rooms." Luckily I had my trusty older brother, though.
"Adam, get out of my room!" I heard him scream from the bathroom. "You need some friends! Now get your ass out here and make some!" Soon after Hunter finished yelling, Adam slowly opened the door all the way and shyly walked out staring at the ground the entire time.
"God you need to loosen up", Valerie laughed. "We're not going to bite." Adam just stared at the floor like he honestly didnt believe. Looking at him reminded me of myself at the law firm. Except everyone in the world are his Condors.

Ashley's POV
I came to my dad's butcher shop early that morning. I wanted to apologize to that guy that scared the crap out of me yesterday. I thought he was some killer or something, but my dad and brother explained to me that he was a guy who worked there who wore a pillow case over his head because he got disfigured in a fire a few months back and how I'd scared him so bad, he was hiding behind the shop in an alley. I felt really bad and wanted to apologize, but Hunter said that he was really shy and to talk to him, I'd have to hunt him down and get to sit still long enough for me to say anything. I turned the key to stop the engine of my navy blue Cadillac Escalade and placed my yellow converse on the hard, rocky surface of parking lot. I went walked up to the old glass door of the entrance and went into the small meat shop and the first thing I saw was a vase of flowers on the counter.
"I wonder who this is for?" I thought as I walked up to the vase and smelt the flowers. I saw a tag around one of the flowers and read it.
Sorry I scared you yesterday. I hope these make up for it.
"Aww", I said out loud. "That's cute." I rake the depths of my mind to try to remember what that guys name was. " Adam! That's it!" Now all I had to do was find him. I jumped across the counter and ventured into the halls in the back.
There were no windows so I could only see by the dim light bulbs that lit the narrow hallway. I was starting to get scared like a did yesterday and zipped up my The Used hoodie a little. I heard a sudden noise coming from one of the rooms and jumped.
"Shit", a voice muttered followed by more clattering. I followed the sound until I got to a room with the door cracked open. I gently pushed it open to see Adam picking up butcher's knife from the floor. He must off heard me do that because he looked up and froze.
"Uh hey", I breaking the silence and scratching the back of my head awkwardly. "I got your flowers."
"Ohuh d-did y-you like th-them?" Adam stuttered back trying to nonchalantly pick up the knifes on the floor. I could tell I was making him nervous. I was told he was extremely shy, but I didnt think it was this bad.
"Yeah they were beautiful", I replied attempting to make small talk. "Did you pick them out?"
He shook his concealed head. "No your brother did."
I laughed. "That's hard to believe. He really doesnt have a good sense of beauty. You should ask him about Bertha, his high school crush and future wife."
It was Adam's turn to laugh. But no sooner than he started he stopped and looked down at his knifes on the counter.
"God this guy's extra emo", I thought. "So my dad tells me you've been working here for almost 8 years. You must really like meat."
"I'm vegetarian."
"Crap." "Really so am I."
"Yeah, I know", Adam said not taking his eyes of the knives. "Your dad told me that everyone in his family is."
"Yeah and ironically we own a meat shop. Hunter and I actually almost got beat up by the Straight Edge kids in school once."
"What happened?"
"Well I kicked some ass. Hunter on the hand scared them away because he threatened to take off his pants and when they didnt believe him, he actually did and ended up scarring a few people." That story sent Adam from super emo to laughing hysterically.
"Okay love birds break it up", Hunter said walking into the room and sitting on the counter.
"Shut up, Pantless Wonder", I teased.
"Shut up", Hunter countered. "Atleast I'm not the one who got into a fist fight with some chick for backstage passes at a Fall Out Boy concert you dragged me to."
"Hey we got to meet the band, didnt we? Atleast I didnt stand outside a chick's house singing Let's Get It On." In the background of all of this, Adam was doubled over in laughter.
"Yeah Hunter", he gasped in between breaths. "Who's Bertha?" Hunter frowned turned a bright shade of red that caused me to laugh and Adam to laugh even harder.
"I got to go to work", I wheezed as I headed out of the door. "Bye Adam." I waved goodbye to him, a little proud that I had made a super emo guys day. I wonder what he looks like under the pillowcase. I got out of the hallways and was about to leave out of the door, but not before getting the vase of flowers off the counter.
"Adam's such a cutie", I said as I took the vase to my car. "Too bad he's so shy."

I got well enough to be released from the hospital, but I never fully healed. I my face was so badly disfigured that I couldnt bare to show it. I wore a pillow case with two holes so I could see over my head where ever I went. Not like I went a lot of places anyway. I left home before the sun rose every day and came home at midnight when there was hardly anyone out and always stayed in the back of the shop while Jeph and his son, Hunter (who was hired to replace Orlick and subsequently became my best friend) worked up front. I know that they were worried about me, but they probably just hoped I'd get better. So did I, but I didnt see that happening anytime soon. But I did walk around with a bag over my head, so I couldnt see much of anything anyway.
I was sitting in a chair at the old table in the back like I always did during breaks, thinking about random things, when Hunter ran into the room joyfully and sat across from me at the table.
"Hey Adam!" he exclaimed gleefully. "What did the ocean do to the other?"
"What", I muttered in response with way less enthusiasm, my concealed face buried in my arms.
"Wave!" Hunter squealed in reply before bursting into a fit of laughter. I was not entertained. I just sighed and kept my head down. Hunter was silent for a while. I know he was doing it to cheer me up like always, but I didnt feel up to it. I never did.
"Hey you know my sister's coming back today?" he finally said after a while.
"I didnt know you had a sister?" I asked picking my head up. I looked at Hunter and tried to imagine what his sister would look like. I wasnt pretty. "What does she look like?"
"Pretty", he replied simply as he leaned back in his chair. I smirk came across his face. "Very good in bed." He couldnt see my face, but I know he could tell I had an expression that could only be explained as a mixture between shocked and disgusted among other things. This caused Hunter to start laughing again. "I'm kidding. I'm surprised Dad didnt say anything about his 'precious', 'smart', 'beautiful' daughter. The trophy wall at home is more like a shrine of her awards and the one 'Thanks for Trying Award' I got in my fifth grade meet." I Hunter sighed and got up. "Well I better get ready. Dad says he wants me to make this place squeaky clean for when she gets here. Like thats possible." Hunter got up and left me at the table while I just sat at the table staring off into space again.
"Well I might as well help him" I thought to myself as I got up from my chair. It was a slow day at the butcher shop so there really wasnt anything to do. I decided to wash the bloody knives and hatchets and other things used to make dead carcasses into appetizing looking meat that I never touched further than to make sellable. I carefully put the sharp objects into a box to and picked up the old plastic box to take them down the hall to the back where the water hose was so I could spray them clean since that water hose was the most hygienic thing Jeph kept in here. I went into the dark, windowless hall and almost immediately became aware of footsteps other than mine and stopped to make sure they really were there and that I wasnt just being weird. Surely enough there was another set of footsteps clicking on the hard concrete of the floor. They seemed to be getting nearer. I simply thought it was Hunter and continued walking to the back, still hearing the footsteps getting closer until they stopped. The sound of the clicking seemed to come to a halt rather close to me. In fact it sounded as close as right behind me. I turned around and was shocked at what I saw. Instead of seeing my bald co-worker, I saw a girl. A rather beautiful one at that. She was wearing a yellow The Academy Is band shirt and black jeans with a yellow studded belt and yellow and black converse, and had medium length dark brown and dark eyes to match. She was so pretty that it took me time to notice what those eyes were focusing on. It was the box of knives in my arms. Then I noticed how scary a guy with a pillow case over his head with a box full of bloody knives must have looked. Unlike me, she barley noticed what I looked like. She just knew I was scary looking and like any scared person would do, let out a blood curdling scream.
That caused her fear to fly into me, and like a roach at the sight of a light coming on, I dropped the box and took off running down the hall. I could still hear her screaming and that only compelled me to run more until I was finally stopped by a collision into the chest of my boss.
"Adam what happened?!" he exclaimed grabbing the shoulders of the frightened me. "Who's screaming?!"
"I- I don't know" I stuttered, still a little shaken. "Some girl in the hallway!" Jeph calmed down and smiled.
"Oohh", He chuckled releasing me. "It's okay, Adam. It's just my daughter. You probably just scared her." I then remembered what Hunter had told me about his sister coming and immediately felt stupid.
"Oh", I said looking away even though he couldnt see that I was blushing. "Well can you tell her I'm sorry?"
"Why don't you tell her yourself?" Jeph said softly as he put his hand on my shoulder reassuringly. I didnt respond. I just walked past him to the back, where I sat against the brick wall in the back alley.
"I can't talk to her", I responded to Jeph's question even though I knew he wasnt there to hear me. "She's to pretty."
I stayed there for the rest of the day until Hunter came out and got me.
"There you are. I've been looking all over for you." He took a seat on the dirty cement beside me.
"Is your sister still here?" I asked with my head buried in my arms that were resting on my knees just like before.
"No", he laughed. "Dad took her home." He was silent for a while. "Hey you want me to give you a ride home?"
I shook my head. "It's too early."
"Come on", he said gently pushing me. "I just got new tinted windows." I looked up at him and he smiled. "Come on." He helped me up and we went back inside with get our coats and lock up and went back outside to the small parking lot that was empty except for Hunter's blue pick up truck with, like he promised, newly tinted windows.
Hunter got in the drivers seat while I got into the passenger's side. I started fiddling with my hands since it hand been a while since I'd rode in a car. I usually just walked to and from work so I was pretty nervous about it for no reason.
Hunter on the other hand was the exact opposite as he turned the keys in the ignition and danced after the engine sprang to life which activated the radio to start blasting Thriller by Micheal Jackson.
"This is the song!" he yelled over the loud music as he then started singing along with the "King of Pop" while I just sunk into my seat. I just closed my eyes and envisioned myself getting to my apartment faster than Hunter was driving.
"Hey, I'm going to the store before I get home", Hunter said when we finally got to my apartment. "You kneed me to pick up anything?" Since I never left the house, I had Hunter do all my shopping for me.
I thought and got an idea. "Well there is one thing"

Wow this stories so old. Its one of my favorites though. I'm going to update one of my currently active stories in a little bit. I hope this can hold you over.

---

"Hey lock up for me tonight okay, Adam?" my boss, Jeph, said throwing me his keys.
"No problem, Mr. Howard", I said catching the keys with the hand I wasnt using to carry some wrapped up meat back to the freezer.
"I thought I told you to call me Jeph."
"Sorry, M- Jeph", I corrected stuffing the keys into the pocket of my bloody apron.
Jeph smiled. "I swear. You are the best employee I have ever had."
I laughed and scratched the back of my head. "Just doing my job."
"Very well too." Jeph complemented as he started to the front of the butcher shop where I worked. "Oh! And make sure you watch out for Orlick! I have a bad feeling about him!"
"I will", I called from the huge freezer we kept all off the meat. I hated the stuff. Working in a butcher shop can do that to you. All the bloody meat hanging from the ceiling and stored in boxes made me want to puke every time I saw it. I needed to make a living though and, unfortunately, this had to be mine. I never took another bite again after working there. Jeph said it was okay since he had the same problem. The shop had been in his family for generations and was passed to him from his father. Ironically Jeph was a vegetarian and hated the fact that he had to own a shop that sold dead animals, but like me, he had to make a living.
"Wolf! Where are you?!" Orlick, my co- worker who was lets just say he wasnt all there, called from the other room. "Orlick has stacks of meat waiting to be put up." I sighed and trekked out of the freezer and down the hall to the chopping room where Orlick was cutting up some beef.
"Wolf is so lazy and slow. Orlick doesn't know why master favors him over Orlick." Every other word Orlick bought the axe (because for some reason, he had to cut the meat with an axe instead of using a proper cutting tool) down with more force than last time.
"I don't know", I replied frustrated with my co worker's Orlickness. I finished wrapping the last of the red, dead meat in the cheap paper and started back to the freezer with the pounds of flesh stacked up in my arms.
I dumped the stack into one of the vacant boxes. I wiped my hands on my apron, half to symbolize me getting my job done, half to get any trace of the animal carcasses I was just handling off of them. It was finally the end of my shift and I couldnt wait to get home and take a long shower. I rubbed my arms that with only protected by the thin sleeve of my shirt turned around and started toward the exit of the room, when the door suddenly closed.
"Shit", I thought quickening my pace to the door. At first I just thought the door had accidentally closed and I could just go and open it, when I got closer and looked out of the small window, I saw none other than Orlick on the other side of the door. He seemed to be pouring something. I looked closer and my eyes widened when I saw that what Orlick was pouring around the door was gasoline.
"Orlick!" I screamed banging on the door with my fist. Orlick finished pouring the gasoline around the door and looked up at me through the window.
"You was always in Old Orlick's way since ever you was started working here", Orlick said angrily as he held a finger up to my face through the small plastic window. "You goes out of his way, this present night. He'll have no more on you. You're dead." I felt that I had come to the brink of my grave. For a moment I looked wildly around my trap for any chance of escape. There was none.
"More than that", Orlick continued. "I won't have a rag of you, I won't have a bone of you left on earth. I'll put your body ablaze." I swallowed, my heart racing. I had been working in this meat shop for 7 years. It looks like I was going to die by its bloody hand too.
"Now Wolf, 'afore I kill you like any other beast, I'll have a good look at you. Oh, you enemy." I passed through my thoughts to cry out for help, though few could know better than I, the solitary nature of the spot, and the hopelessness of aid. Orlick finished staring at me as through the window like a caged animal and laughed.
"May Orlick see you in hell, Wolf!", Orlick exclaimed as he reached out and pulled out a matchbox. I continued banging on the door with proved futile as Orlick struck the match and dropped the flaming twig into the puddle of gasoline, which was like steroids on a baseball and caused the flame to grow from the size of my thumb, to a great size. Orlick left laughed manically as he walked down the halls to safely exit the now burning building while the only thing I could do is back away from the door. I didnt even try to cry for help. I knew I was done. I just sank onto box of meat. I knew I was over and just let the smoke from the fire fill my lungs, driving out the little oxygen and filling it them until I passed out.
And I'll never be bought back to life.>>>
I was convinced I was dead but then I did something so unexpected. I woke up. In a bed. I opened my eyes I looked around. I appeared to be in a hospital room. I looked around my bed and saw Jeph at the side, his head resting on my wool sheet and his face covered by his slick, black hair.
"Jeph", I moaned weakly as I reached over to shake him awake. Before I could touch him, I saw my hands. They were wrapped in bandages.
"They must have gotten burned from the fire" I thought as I examined my hands and the rest of my arms.
"Adam?" Jeph thought as he woke up from his nap at my bedside.
"Jeph?" I moaned. "Your shop-"
"It's fine", Jeph replied quickly cutting me off. "Insurance will cover it. How about you? Are you okay?"
I nodded as I yawned and tried to rub my eyes but I felt only bandages.
"Be careful with that!" Jeph exclaimed. "You dont want to mess up the burn, do you?"
"Burns?" I repeated. "What happened to my face?" Jeph looked down and started playing with my sheet.
"Well, Adam, in the fire, a lot of your body was badly burned. Including your face. The doctor said you won't look the same again." Jeph continued talking but I didnt hear him. I'm sure he was trying to cheer my up, but that last sentence tore me apart. "I would never look the same again." I was a freak.

I want to write right now, but I'm at a total loss as to which story.

Should I write my:

Alex Gaskarth story
Patrick Stump story
Max Bemis story
Nick 13 story (which I havent written in almost a year but I'm looking forward to starting again)
Brendon Urie story
Zac Farro story
add one of my stories from Quizilla
write a new oneshot

please leave a response in the comments. I'm about to perm my hair (which is starngly enough where I get my best brainstorming) and I need to know what to write.

Sorry this sucks but if I didn't put this story out now, you would have never seen it.
Rating PG-13 because I think there may be cuss words in it. This is for Chronicles of the Overactive Imaginations.

---

"Where have you been?" my grandma asked apathetically from the couch as she watched QVC on television

"School", I replied just as indifferently as she had asked.

Any idiot could have told, by the grim expression on my face that something was wrong, but the display of a rather ugly coat on the television prevented her from digging any deeper. I was glad. I didnt feel like discussing this with anyone.

Before I could turn the corner to my hallway, however, my grandma's silent mouth opened once again causing me to freeze in my tracks. "Oh yeah. Something came in the mail for you today."

My mind pushed what was on it before off and flew to the object that I knew was in my room. A smile sliced quickly across my blank face and my feet defrosted to run quickly to my room.

My smile stretched wider when I saw the long cardboard cylinder thrown across my bed. I threw my backpack on the floor, not caring where it landed, though the sudden squall of my cat told me that I should have. I picked it up and held it like a victorious king holding a scepter, before popping the white cap odd of one side and tilting it to pour my long awaited poster into my hand.

I carefully yet anxiously unfolded it. I've been waiting for this for a whole week now: an exact replica pf Fox Mulder's I want to believe poster that had become a The X Files trademark. I had already cleared a portion of my wall since I ordered it, so all I had to do was take the ever-present case of thumbtacks from my desk and attach the 4X3 sheet of paper. It fit like a missing piece of a puzzle along with various other pictures of bands and their album covers that were nimbly cut from issues of Alternative Press and other magazines.

After making sure it was properly secured, I fell back on the cloud of my unkempt bed to admire that new addition to my makeshift wallpaper. I observed the image of a small gray spacecraft surrounded by light blue sky and suspended above a landscape of trees and grass with the outlines of mountains in the distance. Stamped across the trees and grass were the ever famous words: I WANT TO BELIEVE in white, block letters.

Those words described my life so well. There was so much I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe that life would start looking up. I wanted to believe that I stood a chance with him. I wanted to believe that he didnt really mean everything that he had said. By him, I meant my best friend Cash. I had known him since 7th grade and now we were in our Senior year. You see there's something called the propinquity effect. It states that a person is most likely to fall for someone of the opposite sex whom they spend the a lot of time with. My case was proof of this. Not only had I fallen for Cash, I was full out in love with him. I never let him know that though. I didnt know how he would react. I wanted to believe that he would share my feelings but I knew that wasnt possible. So I just pretended to like someone else: Josh; a short, stout boy with piles of dark hair coiling out of his scalp and skin that looked like someone had scrubbed his beautifully sculpted face with sandpaper. Every time I was around Cash I would spend a great portion of it going on and on about this boy, whom I didnt really love, in an attempt to negate my feelings. Cash would hardly respond to anything I said when I was talking about Josh. It was the only way he could think of, I guess, to make his apparent distaste for Josh apparent to me. I wanted to believe it was because he was jealous, but I knew the reason was probably his total apathy towards my love life that he'd had since as long as I'd known him. That all changed today.

It started off as usual with Cash and I sitting under and pillar on the walkway at school with our friends Valerie and Alex. Like always, I was going on about an encounter I'd had with Josh in the hallway and how he'd smiled at me as he passed by. It was really just me and Valerie talking. Alex and Cash were too busy both scribbling down answers on their math homework. Every once in a while I would see Alex look up at Cash with a slight expression of worry and sympathy as Cash feverishly wrote out equations and punched numbers into the calculator without acknowledging anything around him. Evenings after school usually went like this. Except this one quickly changed by one statement by me.

I leaned back against a pillar dreamily and sighed. "I love Josh so much." The next part stung me like needles through my heart to remember.

"Shut up!" Cash screamed angrily as he chucked his pencil and notepad to the ground forcefully. He stood up and looked down at me. I wanted to believe he was only playing but there was no sign of the usual playfulness in his eyes. Only anger.

"Shut up!" he continued. "I'm sick and tired of you going on and on about Josh. He's a retarded asshole! He doesnt even care about you! Not like-" He stopped talking but he was still fuming.

My face was frozen in a blank expression. His face was so full of rage. I had never seen Cash so angry in all the time I'd known him and he'd never yelled at me like that. I didnt know how to react. So I didnt. I stood up, took my backpack, and walked away. The heads of the other students near us were turned in my direction with looks of curiosity, but I paid no attention to them. The cool wind blowing my face combined the tears starting to seep from they're ducts made my eyes burn, yet my expression remained the apathetic. I stayed that way until I was in my room, laying in my bed and staring at a poster on my wall.

The scene of today's events played over and over in my mind; each time Cash's voice got louder and his face became more and more contorted with anger until the very thought of those memories made me wince. Normally if anyone else had said anything like this, I  probably would have told them off or maybe even tried to fight them. But Cash was different. I loved Cash. My infatuation made his words increase by tenfold as they smashed my heart.

I was bought of my nightmarish day dreams by the familiar stinging sensation I had under my eyelids and the tickling feeling of liquid trickling from them.

"Oh great", I thought as I sat up to use gravity's assist to force the tears from my eyes. "I'm crying." I would have said these words out loud to myself, but my throat was closed tight and the only sound I could force out was a choked sob.

From the living room, I heard a knock on the door followed by the sound of the door opening seconds later. I knew immediately who it was and tried feverishly to wipe away my tears and mold my face into a calm, indifferent expression. As I heard footsteps approaching my room, I managed to clear my face or tears and was almost able to at least look like I wasnt sad. But when the door flung open and I saw Cash standing there in my doorway, just like he had stood above me at school, the tears came back with a vengeance, practically pouring from my eyes. Damn my fragile emotions.

I put my arm up to my face to re-wipe it and by the time I bought it down, Cash was next to me on the bed with arms wrapped around me. I rested my head on his shoulder. He rested his head on top of mine.

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier", he said softly as started rubbing my back. "I'm sure Josh feels the same way about you as you feel about him."

I closed my eyes and smiled. "Its okay. You were probably right. I most likely dont stand any chance with a boy like Josh."

He pulled away from me and held my shoulders. I looked into his eyes. All the rage I had seen in them earlier was gone and was replaced with what I wanted to believe was admiration.

"Dont think that way", he demanded softly. He kissed my forehead. He'd never kissed me before. My forehead burned from his touch "You're very loveable."

I shook myself out of a trance like state, induced by Cash's actions and responded, "You are only saying this because you're my friend. I sure he doesnt feel the same way. Besides I dont really love him."

Cash studied me bewilderedly. It looks like I had done a good job in fooling everyone because Cash truly looked shocked. Then he leaned forward and kissed my nose. Apparently this is something he didnt have much of a problem with.

"But why did you pretend you were?" he asked.

I leaned back onto his chest and he put his hand on my back. "To hide that I'm in love with someone else." I couldnt believe that I'd actually said that to him and I sort of didnt care. I'd been holding my feelings for Cash in for so long without telling anyone. Everyone's got to vent sometime.

"Who?"

I was silent. I was now at the part where I couldnt say anything else. Cash pulled me off of him slightly and looked down at me. His mouth shifted to the side before he said, "Well to tell you the truth I'm secretly in love with someone too."

It was my turn to look at him and inquire who.

He kissed my cheek only centimeters away from my mouth. Every time his lips touched mine my heart stopped momentarily.

"I wish I could tell you that", he whispered keeping his face still close to mine. The scene was like something out of my dreams. The only thing my eyes could see were the youthful features of his face. The only air I breathed was his breath. The only thing I felt was his touch.

"That makes two of us", I said looking away from him. "Cash, I'm in love with you." After uttering those words I was certain that death would follow me shortly. I always told him that the only way Cash would find out how I really felt about him would be from either my death bed or my suicide note. Never did I see myself willingly telling him. But I didnt feel any of the feelings I thought I would feel by telling him this. It felt more like I was talking to him about TV shows, not pouring my heart out to him. So I continued. "I was never in love with Josh. It was always you."

And instead of getting up and running away like I always saw myself doing, I stared at him a waited for a response.

He took my hands in his and kissed me again. On the lips this time.  His kiss made me feel like his a whole other portion of my soul was being poured down my throat. His mouth felt like a missing body part being sewn back on. He broke the kiss but kept his forehead on mine. He took one of my hands in his.

"I wish I could believe that", was his reply. "This all feels like a dream. I wish I could believe it was really happening."

I kissed him again and replied, "You don't have to right now. Because you cant believe in something with all your heart without first doubting it."

"Well if that's the case", he said as he raised his arms further up my back. "I belive I am in love with you."

Step 1: Put your music player on random.
Step 2: Post the first line (or so, some are hard) from the first 19 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song.
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone
guesses correctly (No lyric hunting! That is cheating!)

 

 

 

1.      Too alarming now to talk about
Take your pictures down and shake it out  (ill take two answers for this one)

2.      You count em' one, two, three
You look so cute when you get that mad (EASY)

 

3.       I'm sick of second chances
Cigarettes turn to ashes

 

4.      We could be perfect one last night
And die like star-crossed lovers when we fight

 

5.     
It's all a game of this or that, now versus then

 

6.       I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,
but its feeling just like every other morning before,

7.       As we sift through the hour glass
We realize that an hours passed

 

8.      So cold that you cannot cope
With a frozen heart

 

9.      The boys they have their eyes all over you,
And you're loving every second of attention.

 

10.  We hold in our hearts the sword and the faith
Swelled up from the rain, clouds move like a wraith

 

11.  Well, I know a thing about contrition,
Because I got enough to spare.

 

12.  I'm sinking yet I'll stride
A satchel filled with files

 

13.  Your pretty face disguised
in a veil of fear

 

14.  Time to lay claim to the evidence
Fingerprints sell me out

 

15.  I can see the void,
Dark like prison.

 

16.   Gaze into her killing jar I'd sometimes stare for hours.
She even poked the holes so I can breathe.

 

17.  Don't try and tell me you've been looking at me.
Cuz I've been looking at you.

 

18.  Summer, I painted a scene that lit the stars for me
Said "I can erase it for you dear."

 

19.   Listen when I say, when I say it’s real
Real life goes undefined

omg they're alll so easy..... its pissing me off.....

Dear barebacrider8878:

I don't really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over.
I think I realized it when I quoted Santa in your apartment and
I saw you hit on and knock out my father.
I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand that your pimples are at the last stage.
I'm returning our matching snoopy-bibs to you, but I'll keep your photo as a memory.
You should also know that I always wanted to break our friendship .

Go burn,
Ashley

I was tagged by johnnynotsid

READ THE RULES

RULES:
Do the "The Letter MEME". Tag no less than 5 other people,
and leave them a comment, informing them that
they have been tagged. Then
copy the "How-to" Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.

-> How you do the Letter Meme:

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your journal):

I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___.
I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and
I saw you ___4___ ___5___.
I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.
I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory.
You should also know that ___10___ ___11___ .

___12___,
-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister


2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes


3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kabob - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife


4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out


5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk


6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed


7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - Scarred
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks


8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service


9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college


10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked


11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics


12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

I tag hollow1005, michaelyn, evanescentmemory, addisonheartsyou, pourxthexchampagne, and barebacrider8878.

Well as I sit at my desk and quietly celebrate the election of the first african american president, I can help to think about my great grandmother.
Born in 1920 into a world of complete senseless hate for all of her kind. Having to live in a complete seperate world from the rest of society like some animal. Having even her innocent children persecuted for something they could not help. She's seen the KKK, the Great Depression, and the Civil Rights Movement. She's seen wars being fought outside and inside of her county. She's seen the with her own two bright eyes, the eyes of the world change before her. She's seen this country go from a place where none of her kind had any hope of a future to a place where her children's children and their children were able to learn and live along side everyone else like everyone else. And today she has seen a man of a race, her race, that has for centuries been enslaved, suppressed, and killed by people who used arogance as a base for their actions, elected commander and chief by those very same people.
Barrack Obama has not only touched the Nation's Heart, but the hearts of the nation and secured the victory and freedom of a people who fought so long and hard to obtain the prize: equality.

You can be pro choice, but that still doesnt mean that you go around yelling at women to abort their unwanted babies.
I, myself, am pro life but I still think abortion should be legalized.
Why?
Well I was watching an episode of Law & Order: SVU, for example, where a teenage girl traveled to New York to have an abortion. But the doctor at the abortion clinic was pro life and he told the nurse to lie to the girl and tell her that she was running a fever and they couldnt do the procedere then so she had to come back in a week. So she left and came back and they told her that they couldnt legally do the abortion because she was past 22 weeks (i think) pregnant.
So the girl called her boyfriend and they went to this trash hotel and she had her boyfriend beat her in the stomach with a lamp to induce a miscarrige.
Making abortions illegal, doesn't make these better, it will probably make things worse. Its just like alcohol. Just because its illegal for teens to get it, doesnt stop them one bit.
If abortion was illegal there would be more of girls doing things like throwing themselves down the stairs, stabbing themselves in the urterus with things like unsterile close hangers, or pumping toxic mixtures such as chili pepper and alum into there bodies. There would also be more back alley abortions done by people who lack the proper skill or sterile setting to preform an abortion and do not care if the girl gets an infection or if the baby comes out alive, as long as he gets paid.
Take Gerri Santoro for example. She died as a result of a back alley abortion in 1964. After becoming pregnant as the result of an extramarital affair, fearing for her life, she and the man she was having the affair with checked into a motel and, using surgical instruments and a textbook, preformed a self induced abortion. But Gerri began to hemmorage and the man fled from the motel.Gerri was found dead the next day by a maid. A photo the police took of her body can be found here (warning: this is an extremely graphic picture. Not for the squeemish)
According to WHO, approximately 68,000 women die annually as a result of complications of unsafe abortion; and between two million and seven million women each year survive unsafe abortion but sustain long-term damage or disease (incomplete abortion, infection (sepsis), haemorrhage, and injury to the internal organs, such as puncturing or tearing of the uterus). according to other sources, unsafe abortion is responsible for one in eight maternal deaths.
A 2007 study published in the The Lancet found that, although the global rate of abortion declined from 45.6 million in 1995 to 41.6 million in 2003, unsafe procedures still accounted for 48% of all abortions performed in 2003. It also concluded that, while the overall incidence of abortion in both developed and developing countries is approximately equal, unsafe abortion occurs more often in less-developed nations. With abortion illegalized, this rate will climb back up again.
I still think that abortion is wrong and I would never myself get one, but some teenage girls and young women, when faced with the threat of an unplanned baby, can be unpredictable.